Apr 07 2009

Conversations with Teddy- the first of three memoir books

Published by admin under Conversations with Teddy

Conversations with Teddy is the first of three memoir books of struggling through abuse as perceived through the child’s eyes and her confidant, Teddy, while yearning for parental love, approval and normality. The author, herself a survivor, takes the reader with her on a journey of self-discovery. Some of the tools the reader will discover that the child uses to survive in the dysfunctional family include a desire to please, the tendency to rebel, running away, escaping into a fantasy land, passive or withdrawn, suicidal and depression are among the many discussions the child and her confidant ponder in order to make sense out of their chaotic lives.

As the child and her Teddy mature, we witness how the father’s dysfunctional patterned childhood is modeled to his own family, his life skills, how to lie, pretence, facades, masks, manipulation, and secrecy. These attributes are patterned and taught from parental attitudes and behavior while isolating the family from the outer world. Isolation is a major factor in keeping her ignorant of what family life should be and discerning the difference between abuse and punishment. As young Shirley grows she becomes acutely aware of her limited parameters.

Throughout her entire childhood and adolescence, her father’s control through anger and intimidation necessitates her need to create her own persona at school, the young school lady who lives in fear that her school friends might contact her at home or a chance meeting in the street while with her parents would reveal her as a fraud.

Sibling rivalry in Conversations with Teddy is clearly propagated by their parents. Judith, the eldest child, a product of a dysfunctional family, responds differently to her younger sister as different personalities perceive, interrupt and react accordingly while seeking parental approval. The sisters were intentionally destructive, afraid of slipping into shared punishments and distrusting of each other.

Most commonly dysfunctional families develop from generation to generation and the determination to break the cycle of a dysfunctional abusive family is realized when as a teenager she gives up the love of her life in order not to walk in her parent’s footsteps.

©shirleymay 2009

Comments Off

Apr 07 2009

Conversations with Teddy is unique!!!

Conversations with Teddy is unique; it is not simply a recount of abuse as the reader is taken into the child’s conversation of discovering who she is amid the mayhem. It is a book for anyone who cares what goes on inside the minds and hearts of children. No similar Australian books taking the reader on a journey of discovery into a child’s mind and heart through her innocent conversations with Teddy is on the market. Through conversations, dreams, poems and the present day sea scene the audience is able to ascertain the depth of emotions the child experienced, the gradual awakening of the child to emotions felt but never understood and her maturing survival strategies.

Conversations with Teddy rides on a current popular trend of human interest stories, of survival through adversity. It is innovative within the genre with a unique narrative voice dealing with contemporary life issues. Humor interspersed throughout the book relieves the tension of pain and despair, lovable and hateable characters that leap off the page.

The strength of Conversations with Teddy lies within the simplicity of a child’s trust and reliance on her Teddy, the keeper of secrets, when her parents betray her trust, innocence and love. Whereas, in contrast similar books provide the reader a more detail, graphic description of the horrors lived without portraying the child through different ages innocently accepting trying to understand, taking on the blame and learning how to survive and enjoy life.

We witness how a young child perceives her parents as godlike; straight as a die, believing in them. Their fall from grace is so slow as to be imperceptible to Shirley, a long puzzling decline, disappearing by degrees before her eyes, a disillusionment that becomes as untouchable as the clouds.

Conversations with Teddy is not about blame but about a child’s growth in truth making mistakes and trying to make the best of the situation and it is about being human, about falling and picking up yourself.

©shirleymay 2009

No responses yet

Apr 07 2009

‘Conversations with Teddy’

Conversations with Teddy is the true story of how a young girl survived growing up in an Australian volatile household in the late 1950s to 1970s. This extraordinary and moving reckoning of this young girl’s life is based on her conversations with her trusted Teddy that reflect one girl’s thoughts and emotions, her escapism from reality living in a family filled with secrets and violence. The present day sea scenes become a catalyst for reflecting on a past buried in shame, guilt and fear. Conversations, dreams and poetry interspersed throughout the dialogue reveal submerged emotions, childhood perceptions, and psychological effects on the child through to the brink of adulthood.

Permission Granted

No responses yet

Apr 06 2009

‘Conversations with Teddy’ - An excerpt

An excerpt

Adelaide was hit by a severe earthquake during a warm summer’s night.
‘What’s that noise? Teddy … hold me tight. The bed’s moving,’ I told Teddy in a frightened panicky whisper.
We could hear dishes rattling, falling out of the cupboard and smashing.
The blind flew up and kept rolling around and around. The window fell down with a huge bang.
A door slammed.
‘I love you Teddy, you’re my best friend,’ I whispered in Teddy’s ear.
I could hear my father and mother walking around and talking.
‘It’s an earthquake, Millie. We could get some more. Everything looks alright.’
‘I’ll put the kettle on and wait to see if there are any more tremors,’ suggested my mother.
‘Use the electric jug. I’m going to turn the gas off,’ my father called out to my mother as he was going outside. My father was gone for some time.
‘Millie, all the neighbours have switched on their lights. Most of them are outside talking to each other.’
‘I’ll go and see what they have to say. Perhaps this is normal here,’ my mother suggested.
‘No, it’s not wise to get familiar with the neighbours. Let’s have our cuppa and we’ll listen to the radio,’ my father sternly suggested.
Teddy and I cuddled tighter. His heart was pounding faster than mine. Poor Teddy. He was so scared. I patted his back. I kept whispering into his ear that I loved him but his heart kept beating so hard, so fast.
‘Teddy, I think it’s Jesus coming back. He’s getting rid of all the naughty people,’ I assured him. But then, I wondered, would I go to heaven or hell?
My parents were now whispering and I could barely hear the radio. I could not hear what was being discussed but I knew that something terrible had transpired and it might recur at any time. I wanted to take Teddy back to Maryborough.
As Teddy and I waited for another shaking we drifted off on floating clouds with angels singing to us…
‘Quick!’ the people next door called out. ‘Have a look!’ There before our eyes a mountain had magically appeared from the earth shaking in their backyard. It kept rising higher and higher as we watched until it became taller than the tallest trees in the yard. I rubbed my eyes to see more clearly as it kept rising, and rising up to meet the stars.
‘Look!’ shouted Oliver, the boy next door.
‘Let’s go,’ said my sister.
I held Teddy very tightly. We climbed over the fence to have a closer look at this colossal magical mountain. It was covered in yellow daisies swaying in the gentle breeze like ballerinas in-between rocks. The rocks, covered in thick velvety green moss, shine reflected the flickering silvery moon.
Oliver started to climb over the rocks but slipped at each attempt as if he was playing snakes and ladders.
‘Look!’ gasped Teddy, as a rope ladder suddenly appeared as mysteriously as the mountain.
Oliver’s eyes beamed with joy and wonderment as he proceeded to climb the rope. Soon he was sitting on top of the mountain. He yelled out to me, ‘Come up, it’s so big and warm and beautiful.’
Teddy and I started to climb the ladder. My sister went home to tell my parents about the miracle mountain. Arriving on top of the mountain, we could hear music. Angels fluttered around the clouds, encircling the garden, playing piano accordions and singing.
‘Make a wish, make a wish,
just one wish for good little girls,
Make a wish, make a wish,
just one wish for good little boys
Make a wish, make a wish,
two wishes for special Teddies,’
Their voices surrounded the top of the magical mountain.
Suddenly the mist disappeared.
The angels gathered together and left in pairs singing and dancing.
We sadly watched the angels disappear playing piano accordions and singing.
The moon lit up their path.
We followed the path.
Suddenly, facing us was Maryborough.
‘Teddy, did you wish for Maryborough?’
‘Yes, Sweet Pea. Maryborough is better; it’s safer. We can spend every day together,’ Teddy quietly but very earnestly admitted from the bottom of his heart, a tear in his eye and his gentle loving smile.
Sitting on top of the mountain with the silvery moon beaming at us we could see the warm sun shining on Maryborough. The climb up the mountain was so difficult it made us all very sleepy. We all fell asleep looking at Maryborough. While we slept, unbeknown to us, the mountain continually inched away from Maryborough, bit by bit. We were unaware of the mountain changing and a river flowing around the mountain.
‘Wake up!’ Teddy suddenly pleaded in a panicky voice with tears in his eyes.
‘Look, we’re floating,’ exclaimed Oliver with enthusiasm.
‘But… we’re floating away on the clouds with the angels, away from Maryborough,’ I replied.
‘Oliver, where are you going?’ I asked.
‘I think I can hear Rusty barking…and that’s my parents calling me,’ he said.
Meanwhile, Oliver’s parents had been searching everywhere for him. We could hear them in the distance calling out, ‘Oliver, Oliver, where are you, Oliver are you all right. Oliver please answer us.’
Oliver tried yelling back but they could not hear him.
Teddy and I tried yelling with Oliver but, still, they could not hear us.
We were floating faster and faster, higher and higher.
Oliver’s dog, Rusty, was the cleverest dog ever. He heard Oliver’s voice and he huffed and puffed at the mountain and all of a sudden, as suddenly as it appeared, it crumbled with each huff and puff from Rusty. We floated down on beds of daisies and landed right next to Rusty who licked us all over as if he needed to give us a bath.
‘Stop licking,’ cried Teddy while brushing his golden fur frantically, ‘I’m not dirty. Leave me alone.’
Oliver laughed and gave Teddy a big hug, saying, ‘Rusty is just pleased that you’re okay. He likes you, just like I do.’
Oliver’s mother came rushing over to us. She gave us hugs and kisses.
‘Sit down on the lounge and tell me all about what happened while you drink some hot chocolate. Do you want some biscuits?’ Oliver’s mother said.
After telling her everything that happened we fell asleep curled up on the lounge listening to her sing a lullaby…
Early next morning my parents explained that Adelaide had experienced an earthquake and there was no real damage. I told my parents that I thought it was Jesus coming back to get rid of all the naughty people. They laughed at me.
‘Teddy, why did they laugh at me? I was really scared,’ I asked Teddy on returning to my room.
‘I was really scared too, Sweet Pea,’ Teddy replied.
Over the next few weeks I heard my parents telling people that I believed the earthquake was Jesus coming back to get rid of the bad people. Other people laughed too. I could not understand why it was so funny.
At school Mrs. Nelson talked about earthquakes. I listened very carefully and thought, the devil must cause them as they come from the centre of the earth where hell is. No wonder Teddy was so scared. I felt sad and tears filled my eyes because I had left Teddy home alone. What if there was another earthquake and I was not there to hug and protect him. Maybe they only happen at night, I hoped. The devil sneaks around at night. It must be my sister’s fault for storming off and getting cross with my father over the piano accordion. Yes, it’s her fault. She slept through it. Only the good people woke up. They have to pray and ask God to control the devil. Therefore, I must be good girl, I decided.

© Shirley May 2008

No responses yet

Apr 06 2009

Tears

Published by shirleymay under poetry

I sit in tears of silence
My tears I shed won’t go away
tears that fall, tears of pain
Hot tears in silence
collapsing on my knees
Silence of soul and heart,
Bloodshed tears for what could be
If I could freely speak my mind
falling tears screaming through silence
streaming tears and silence mystifying
intimidating hope in every moment
germinating in depths of solitude
pondering loss in roaring silence.

©shirleymay 2009

No responses yet

Apr 06 2009

Harvesting the Heart - Jodi Picoult

Published by admin under reviews

Harvesting the Heart is a good read, beautifully written, well-paced and continues in Picoult’s style of back and forth story telling from each character’s point of view. The plot appeared to be a mixture of romance, deception, and inner turmoil. It gets down to the root of inner human conflict, especially the turmoil new mothers may experience which ultimately affects all people concerned. The turmoil of motherhood extends into the marriage and I found that Paige and Nicholas were doing one thing while saying another in their time of possible reconcile which is often the case with human relationships

No responses yet

Aug 13 2008

reservations

Published by admin under poetry

Heaven’s dwelling place

sheltered from grief

Free from fear

bereft of sorrow

free of pain

full of love

forever

eternal ease

heart at rest

Heaven‘s smile

reserved for me.

No responses yet

Jun 04 2008

Jodi Picoult - THE TENTH CIRCLE

Published by admin under reviews

Picoult’s greatest strength is her ability to glean insights about human behavior and the darkest, most hidden parts of people made this book memorable. All the emotional highs and lows of today’s 14 year old girls, half women, half girls growing up far too fast. The book centres on Trixie Stone, the 14-year-old daughter of Daniel and Laura, a teen who may or may not have been raped by her ex-boyfriend. I enjoyed the combining of comic book form with straight narrative and comparisons to Dante’s Inferno.

© Shirley May 2008

No responses yet

Jun 04 2008

Talk to Me - outline

Published by admin under Talk to me

Step One

Teenage girls travels in cyberspace become bumpy and threatened when unexpected intrusions create suspicion that penetrates their friendship and safety.

Step Two - Story Setup. Major Disasters. Ending of Novel

Four teenage girls lives are turned upside down when their prized blog becomes a treacherous journey through cyberspace. The girls are shocked to discover an anonymous visitor, Bonehead, to their site revealing the depth of her eating disorder. While trying to formulate a plan of action an intruder, who appears to know these girls intimately, begins to visit their site daily with threats, and innuendos that cut to the quick creating suspicion among the girls. Miss Desperate reveals a painful secret. Will the girls solve their problems in time or will one of the girls be lost?

Step Three

Character’s Name: Tamminya (Tam) Judd – blog name Allegro

Character’s Storyline: Tamminya creatively contributes the graphics and music to www. talk to me but personal issues arise on the blog and she becomes a victim of cyberbullying.

Character’s Motivation: Tamminya is very sensitive to the other girl’s feelings and issues and she endeavours to help and protect her friends believing that her peers will accept her.

Character’s Goal: Tamminya secret desire is to be a musician and popular with her peers.

Character’s Conflict: When a new posting occurs from a mysterious person, Bonehead, concerning an eating disorder Tamminya becomes suspicious that someone is revealing her secret. She develops strategies to shift any inkling of her eating disorder by focusing on Miss Desperate painful secret. However, Tam’s depression deepens when someone anonymously posts daily unpleasant comments about eating disorders on their blog.

Character’s Epiphany: Through the painful experience of cyberbullying Tamminya learns to confront her demons by admitting her problem, asking and accepting help.

request more…..

© Shirley May 2008

No responses yet

Jun 04 2008

Jodi Picoult - The Tenth Circle; Perfect Match; Keeping Faith

Published by admin under reviews

Do bookcases hold prize-winning books or books cherished by the reader? Searching my bookcase, I discovered that I do not possess a prize-winning book but I have numerous books that if I were to award a prize to would be easy. What would my criteria be for awarding the author a prize?

Firstly, the book would have to engage me until the very last word. I find Jodi Picoult has the ability to engage the reader with descriptive scenes and realistic characters. Jodi Picoult’s characters face real issues and solve them throughout their everyday living experiences. I like the way she interweaves the characters that have their separate lives but their influences upon each other’s actions are integral to the consequences.

request more…..

References

Arnold< J. n.d. LPW600: Reading and Writing, Prize-winning Writing
http://www.literature-awards.com/

Jodi Picoult 2007 Hanover, New Hampshire http://www.jodipicoult.com/

© Shirley May 2008

No responses yet

Next »